Friday, February 13, 2015

Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages #lovelanguages #valentines

“Love is a verb.” – Gary Chapman
Ah, February! The month of love! Centered around St. Valentines day, we all expect some token from our loved one, but true tokens of love are more than roses and chocolate. True tokens of love are found in love languages, developed by author and pastor Gary Chapman.
A few years ago I had an opportunity to read a book titled “The 5 Love Languages,” by Gary Chapman. He’s an associate pastor at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. After counseling numerous couples on their relationships, he began to notice several emotional patterns when it came to demonstrating/showing love. His book, “The 5 Love Languages,” defines what those expressions of love are. 
To determine what your primary “love language” is, take Chapman’s assessment on his website ( or it’s available in his book.
Love is a deep, strong emotion. Chapman’s “love languages,” all contain an emotional component.
The first is “Words of Affirmation.” We all like to hear “I love you,” but other words are just as powerful. Words that encourage, speak to kindness, or are humble in nature are words that touch our soul. Unsolicited compliments say “I love you” in a stronger way than the actual words, “I love you.” By simply saying, “That dress looks great on you,” you’re saying “I love you.” 
The next love language is “Quality Time.” By spending time with your significant other and giving them your undivided attention, you can make them feel emotionally loved more than saying, “I love you.” Quality time might involve taking a walk or going out to eat and putting your cell phones in your back pockets. Quality time is about giving that other person in your life your undivided attention during the time you spend together. If this is your significant other’s primary love language than ask them for a list of things that the two of you can do together. 

The third love language is “Receiving Gifts.” The receiver believes the giver put a lot of thought and effort to select the gift and then give it to them. It’s not about the gift itself, (the money and materialism) - it’s the thought put into it. A gift makes the receiver think their significant other put a lot of effort into finding, then buying the item. You remembered them, and that’s what resonates with the receiver. Keep a notebook with gift ideas to help you become a good gift giver. Interestingly, giving gifts is a big part of relationships in many cultures throughout the world. 
The fourth love language is “Acts of Service.” Doing acts like cooking, mopping, even vacuuming tells your significant other you’re willing to help ease their burden of responsibilities. Doing these things require thought, planning, and effort. if your significant other asks you to do a certain task like take out the garbage or start homework with your child take time to consider its not because they want you to, it’s because they need you to, and that act of service says “I love you” more than the words do. 
The last love language is “Physical Touch.” A simple hug, holding hands, a pat on the back, or a casual touch on the elbow requires just a little thought, yet speaks volumes.
Let love shine in your words, your deeds, and actions this February.
QUESTION: What’s your primary love language? If you took the assessment, were you surprised at how accurate it was?


  1. Great book. Read it back in the '90s. Mine is Physical Touch and my secondary is Acts of Service. When I was younger, the secondary was more Words of Affirmation, but I've needed them less with the confidence of adulthood.

  2. Thanks for stopping by and sharing Carla! Acts of service and quality time are my #1 and #2.


  3. I loved the book. It is very much on the nose! My primary was Words of Affirmation. My hubby's is Physical Touch. Knowing what I know, it makes things easier!

  4. Great post, Steph. I became acquainted with this book while teaching girls aged 9-12 at church. It helped me know how to reach the more difficult girls by appealing to their love language.

  5. The Book and the post both are good thank you Steph. This book has helped me a lot while discussing things with girls that I teach.

  6. More if you are looking for a source to read this book you can come up to our online library to read 5 love languages pdf